If there is any time where my day job and side hobby worlds collide, it would be on a stock photography website. I can’t recount the number of times I was searching for a stock image when I encountered one of the weirdest and most awkward photos I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen A LOT of photos). I even found a website dedicated to these awkward photographs for sale: http://awkwardstockphotos.com/

Therefore, in honor of my WTF Friday, I set out to find some of the most disturbing pictures and I ask “Why, oh why, would anyone purchase these for commercial use?”

There’s nothing like a relaxing, almost orgasmic experience than spending your evening with a cactus, if I do say so myself.

“DIY at home Salon kit”

She’s either having too much fun with her cosmetic surgery, or a funky mummy

Damn Pineapple heads always money hungry!

I could see using this for my dad’s dental site

I call this one “The Heartbreaker”

“So whatcha up to tonight?”, Oh nothing, just heading to the Home Depot, picking up a battery operated drill and killing myself for paying 100k too much for this fixer upper.

I’m pretty sure this was the clown in my nightmare growing up

<

Family fun entertainment for everyone

I’m just a monkey, hanging out. Wassup?

Anyone need a jump?

Now if this guy can’t sell computers, I don’t know who can!

Probably my favorite, except the monkey. I like monkeys

You think this guy look familiar? He is! You may have seen him in the horrible Lower My Bills advertising

I had no idea what these were supposed to be, until I saw the description “Flowers with eyes”… I still don’t know why.

Am I the only one here? Have you seen these pictures also? Better yet, have you seen them actually USED on websites?

We all know the AS SEEN ON TV products that hock the next best product that will lift and tone, strengthen and tighten, all in a few minutes a day and for very little investment. What I can’t understand, is how they all manage to put you in sexually compromising positions or include the use of fallic looking devices:

Possibly the most famous example of this is Suzanne Somers and her ThighMaster:

Bally’s newer yet still seductive version:

It’s hard for this thing to NOT be suggestive:

The new craze ShakeWeight, notorious for commercials of bouncing moobies and boobies, is now in the running to overtake Somer’s thrown as the most sexually charged exercise equipment around:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S3C4AC908w

The Neckline Slimmer. That’s right girls, build those muscles, your men will be proud! (And HAPPY!)

Rock and Go Exerciser- I’m not going to say what this looks like, but let’s say it wasn’t uber popular because people felt “weird” sitting on it.

Maybe it’s the arrows that make this Fitness Quest Leg Magic Ultra machine look suggestive?

Back2Life has been prepping couples for copulation since early 2000:

And just for good measure, check out this “Booty Ballet” offered:

OK so maybe not sexual, but definitely suggestive, I couldn’t make fun of exercising without throwing in good old Richard Simmons!

So yes, I say “WTF As Seen on TV exercise equipment inventors? How are you guys such marketing geniuses?!”  Remember- sex sells! Keep up the good work…

I was going to write about some of my rather awkward and annoying experiences dealing with the people of Criagslist, but this email string pretty much wrote the post itself… WTF people of Craigslist?

___________________________________________________________________________

Original Listing:

Large Area rug; Black/red/gold 11′ x 9′ – $75

Great room large area rug in a traditional yet updated pattern. Size is 11 feet by 9 feet. 100% wool. Main color is black with a red and gold and creme colors.

___________________________________________________________________________

And let the emailing begin:

To:  TheChrista@awesome.com

From:   xxxxx@aol.com

i would like to offer you 50

____________________________________________

To:  xxxxx@aol.com

From:   TheChrista@awesome.com

$60 and it’s done

____________________________________________

To:  TheChrista@awesome.com

From:   xxxxx@aol.com

Aww I’m sorry, all I have is 50..

thanks anyway…

____________________________________________

To:  xxxxx@aol.com

From:   TheChrista@awesome.com

[::Mood: Annoyed::]

So, on a personal level I have a quick question for you…

You seemed interested enough to email me with your offer in the first place, which I thought was good bartering, and I came back with a pretty reasonable offer back…

My question (again, just for curiosity is) did you want/need this item and really only have $50? Or were you just wondering how low you could get it for?

Because if you really want it, and need it for a purpose, but could not find a way to spend an extra $10 (trust me, plenty of economic reasons) I’m sure if you explained it better, I would have worked with you on it…

Again, this is purely for my knowledge only, as you are not the only one that has been doing this on items I have listed. I appreciate your feedback

Christa

____________________________________________

To:  TheChrista@awesome.com

From:   xxxxx@aol.com

Hi Christa, yes I really liked your area rug and wanted it but really and truly have only 50.00…..

____________________________________________

To:  xxxxx@aol.com

From:   TheChrista@awesome.com

Tell you what… If no one is interested by this weekend, I will actually let you have it for $45

Would you be willing to wait until Monday?

____________________________________________

To:  TheChrista@awesome.com

From:   xxxxx@aol.com

ok. Christa! thank you. Please don’t think that I was trying to low ball you really and truly that is all I have…

Yes I will wait for you to let me know whether you sell it or not…

____________________________________________

To:  xxxxx@aol.com

From:   TheChrista@awesome.com

[Written on Sunday]

Sorry I sold it today. Good luck on your hunt!

____________________________________________

To:  TheChrista@awesome.com

From:   xxxxx@aol.com

Thanks anyway, I bought another one on Friday…

____________________________________________

Seriously people of Craigslist? I mean, come on, WTF?

It’s WTF Friday lite edition. Today I’ll let you figure out my WTF moment I had when I looked at this nice postcard I received in the mail today.

Hint: It’s not the fact that they put the emphasis/caps on the wrong words.

Can you spot it? First one to spot it gets unconditional love and witty sarcasm from me!

Our IT team has a pretty sick sense of humour (which I love), but their jokes always seem to err on the side of…well…just wrong. They also always find a way to run a joke dead and into the ground for over a year later (I have been witness to this). So I was NOT surprised to find their newest *thing* is a Japanese child’s prank called Kancho.

They even dedicated a statue to it in Japan...

The wikipedia definition of Kancho:

“is a prank often played in Japan, performed by clasping the hands together so the index fingers are pointing out and attempting to insert them sharply into someone’s anal region when the victim is not looking.”

[Pause for taking it all in...]

“…It is similar to the wedgie or a goosing, although, as compared to kancho, the former mentioned acts do not involve physical contact which is quite as intimate or direct. A Kancho is often executed simultaneously as the offending party loudly expresses the second syllable of “Kan-CHO!”"

Yea, I think this WTF moment is pretty explanatory, and on 2 levels. First – WTF JAPAN?? Who teaches kids to go poking others in that *out only* hole?! How is this funny? And secondly, WTF my IT guys for always yelling kanCHO and making me think about goosing another person in the ass. :/

I’m absolutely disgusted to see what Experian (owner of Lower My Bills and their ridiculous dancing ads) has done to ClassesUSA since buying them out. They have managed to take a decent educational directory and turn it into one big horse and pony show, all the while ruining it’s credibility and also the quality of lead flow. I have worked with ClassesUSA on a client level for the past 2 years, and have seen a transformation into what can only be the unnecessary demise of a once great money making portal.

Not only have I seen an ungodly amount of the following poorly composed ads, but I have YET to find any internet advertising of theirs that is appropriate and/or relevant for their target audience.

Case in point, the set of dancing ads:

I'm not sure what Santa has to do with going to school...

This one the woman gets caught on video dancing

Don’t forget the tatoo ad:

Oh yea, totally relevant

This guy reminds me of Zach Morris. He is probably thumbs upping that MILF in the corner that is supposed to see this ad:

He looks like he says Dude a lot

The grumpy old man ad:

I'm not sure if he's angry or constipated?

And my favorite #fail of ALL TIME, the shirtless Jesus Obama ad (speaks for itself doesn’t it?)

Caveman or Jesus? You tell me...

I guess that leaves me with one last question… Would firing the Director of Marketing for Experian or ClassesUSA do any good, or is this train wreck too late to stop?

I think I’ll just sit back and watch it burn… I mean really, WTF ClassesUSA?

After joking around the other day about the old AOL discs we used to get in the mail or on the counters at convenient stores and kiosks, it was brought to my attention that they TO THIS VERY DAY continue to produce these discs. I find it hilarious that as Google finds a way to bring ultra high speed interwebs to the country, and AOL is stuck hocking their same schtick from 1995! Check out this package that @jennita received in the mail not but a few days ago:

IN THE MAIL FOLKS! (that's right, dial up.. do most web pages even function with dial up anymore?)

Which brings me to the point that I thought the days of AOL desktop software were dead… Well smack my ass and call me Sally, I was DEAD WRONG! It’s amazing, unbelievable, inconceivable, new and improved, for your pleasure, AOL 9.5!!!

Holy Freakin WOW!

OK so the new and improved AOL version 9.5 description is really what gets me going though. Here are some of the AWESOME NEW Features:

Because it’s so horrible these days to have to access email, IMs and browse the web all from superior BUT different programs. ALL IN ONE is THE way to go (wait… I do recall something named goo-gal working on this?…hmmm)

If you’re using one program to check email, another to send instant messages and a third to browse the Web, there’s a better way. AOL 9.5 simplifies your online life by bringing together mail, IM and a browser into one convenient package.

Man, email these days, really gettin’ me down. I wish I was able to send and receive as many as I wanted and could add colors and fun animated gifs to them… I mean who doesn’t love animated gifs?!

Easy-to-Use Email

AOL email makes it easy to stay in touch with friends, family and business associates. You get unlimited storage, and it’s a snap to add personality to emails with customized fonts, colors, stationery and signatures. As always, AOL’s powerful spam controls help steer junk email out of your inbox.

Tabbed browser FTW! Just in time! And search enhanced by Google!? WOWSER, where else could I find that?

A Better Browser

With AOL 9.5, tabs on the browser let you keep several sites open without cluttering your screen. Your favorite Web sites and AOL® Search enhanced by Google™ are a click away, and you are automatically protected from known phishing sites when you browse the Web using the AOL software.

I’d really like to have to sign into a program and be able to instant message instead of just having it pop up every single time I turn on my computer.

Built-In Instant Messaging

AOL 9.5 helps you stay connected to the people you care about. AIM® is built-in — so you can see which of your buddies are online and instantly chat, share pictures and more. If you prefer not to be interrupted by IMs, make yourself invisible so others won’t know you’re online.

Moviefone?! Mapquest?! Fleaflicker?! The best of the web all rolled into one neat little package that only takes up half your memory to run. OH YEA!

The Best Content on the Web

Get the latest news, check your stocks, catch up on celebrity gossip, check movie times on Moviefone, get directions from MapQuest, play free fantasy sports on Fleaflicker, listen to exclusive music, watch the TV shows you missed last night, and so much more. Save favorite place links or add a customized icon to your toolbar for one-click access whenever you need it.

OH NOW it all makes sense… System requirements says it all.

System Requirements

* Windows XP, Windows Vista or Windows 7
* Internet Explorer 6.0 or higher
* 166 MHz Pentium-class processor or higher
* 128MB RAM, 460MB free disk space
* 28.8 Kbps or faster modem, or other Internet connection
* Windows 2000, ME or 98SE users please click here

If I remember correctly, all of these amazing new features were available about 8 years ago when I stopped using their software. So AOL and your “You’ve Got Mail”, I hafta ask, WTF???

I would like to know who let these people out in the world without their leashes?

The following is an email, names and subjects removed, that really did happen sometime this week at someone’s workplace (may or may not be mine). Enjoy and understand why this is my WTF Friday:

___________________________________________________________________________

From: Tool who doesn’t know what he’s doing
Sent: Wednesday, January 20, 2010 5:02 PM
To: Less of a tool
Subject: RE: Let’s email back and forth a lot cause we both don’t know what we’re doing

Thanks Less of a tool,

I’ve updated the online listing so you can see the full description as it was displayed in the print directory.  Also, when you renew your online listing you’ll receive the continued listing in the print directory as well – we’ll copy the online listing for the print listing this year.

I’m attaching the renewal letter.  Let me know if you have any questions.

-Tool who doesn’t know what he’s doing

___________________________________________________________________________

From: Less of a tool
Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2010 9:34 AM
To: Tool who doesn’t know what he’s doing
Subject: FW: Let’s email back and forth a lot cause we both don’t know what we’re doing

Tool who doesn’t know what he’s doing,

Is there a way to hyperlink text to a URL rather than just show the whole URL on the website listing?

Also, could you send me a copy of what the print ad that was placed looks like please?

-Less of a tool

___________________________________________________________________________

From: Tool who doesn’t know what he’s doing
Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2010 11:56 AM
To: Less of a tool
Subject: RE: Let’s email back and forth a lot cause we both don’t know what we’re doing

Less of a tool, I can fax you the listing from the print directory.  Also, you can add hyperlink texts to the website listing, but you will need a hyperlink generator to convert the URL to a text link; chances are your IT department has software already.

Let me know if this helps.

-Tool who doesn’t know what he’s doing

___________________________________________________________________________

From: Less of a tool
Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2010 12:02 PM
To: Girl who knows more than the other tools
Subject: FW: Let’s email back and forth a lot cause we both don’t know what we’re doing

Hi Girl who knows more than the other tools,

Do you know how to do this? I know you do it in emails… I have an online ad that I’d like to run, but will need to hyperlink the text.  How would this be done? Your help is much appreciated

-Less of a tool

___________________________________________________________________________

[Girl who knows more than the other tools tries to ignore this message to see if it will go away]

___________________________________________________________________________

Doesn’t work:

From: Less of a tool
Sent: Friday, January 22, 2010 4:11 PM
To: Girl who knows more than the other tools
Subject: FW: Let’s email back and forth a lot cause we both don’t know what we’re doing

Hi Girl who knows more than the other tools, I just wanted to check in and make sure you’d gotten this email. Thanks!

___________________________________________________________________________

From: Girl who knows more than the other tools
Sent: Friday, January 22, 2010 4:14 PM
To: Less of a tool
Subject: RE: Let’s email back and forth a lot cause we both don’t know what we’re doing

Less of a tool,

Sorry for not getting back to you!

I’m not sure how to do it through a website, just through my email program.  [sarcasm]

Maybe you should send a Helpdesk request since the email mentions asking IT for use of their software?

-Girl who knows more than the other tools

___________________________________________________________________________

Dear Less of a tool,

Thank you for contacting the IT helpdesk. Please be advised that a trouble ticket has been created, documenting your issue. You will receive an automated email update when the ticket is assigned to a technician as well as anytime it is updated/annotated. Someone from the team will assist you as soon as possible.

Thanks again!

___________________________________________________________________________

IT Response:

Less of a tool,

The helpdesk request you submitted has been closed.

Please do NOT reply to this e-mail, unless you feel that your request has not been satisfied to completion.

Resolution: We have submitted your request to our hypertextlink generator.

Our generator that we keep stored in the server room is out of service

Hypertextlink Generator Version 1.0

We are still on hold for the upgraded version that can output up to 100 hypertext links in just under an hour.

Hypertextlink Generator Version 3.0

Unfortunately this request will need to be sent to an outside vendor for fulfillment.

Regrets

-IT Staff

I’ve decided to ban Avatar from my want to see movie list. I know, I know, everyone is in love with this Pocahontas meets Matrix graphic rich story, but I’m irked. I mean you spend millions upon millions of dollars on cutting edge CGI effects that have never been seen before and you left the movie logo creation to an intern? At least that is what I assume happened since the creative for the movie was the word “AVATAR” spelled out in crappy papyrus font with an applied glow filter:

Guess which one I created in 2 seconds in Photoshop and which one was from the exclusive avatar movie website?

So Avatar the movie, I’m disappointed. No you will never receive my box office $$ and this WTF is for you!

I just want to give a WTF Friday shout out to my tire…

I thought you were better than this tire....?

You at your weakest

Dear Tire,

WTF? How could you allow a stubby little screw to ruin you? I mean, I could understand a skinny sharp little nail, or even random road debris…. but no, just a plain old fat pudgy screw. I’m so disappointed in you tire. I mean this was a FLAT SCREW. I thought you could handle more. I guess it’s a good thing we have finally parted ways. All I can say is, thank you for making it easy on me…

Love you but I’m over you,

Christa