Posts Tagged aol sucks

After joking around the other day about the old AOL discs we used to get in the mail or on the counters at convenient stores and kiosks, it was brought to my attention that they TO THIS VERY DAY continue to produce these discs. I find it hilarious that as Google finds a way to bring ultra high speed interwebs to the country, and AOL is stuck hocking their same schtick from 1995! Check out this package that @jennita received in the mail not but a few days ago:

IN THE MAIL FOLKS! (that's right, dial up.. do most web pages even function with dial up anymore?)

Which brings me to the point that I thought the days of AOL desktop software were dead… Well smack my ass and call me Sally, I was DEAD WRONG! It’s amazing, unbelievable, inconceivable, new and improved, for your pleasure, AOL 9.5!!!

Holy Freakin WOW!

OK so the new and improved AOL version 9.5 description is really what gets me going though. Here are some of the AWESOME NEW Features:

Because it’s so horrible these days to have to access email, IMs and browse the web all from superior BUT different programs. ALL IN ONE is THE way to go (wait… I do recall something named goo-gal working on this?…hmmm)

If you’re using one program to check email, another to send instant messages and a third to browse the Web, there’s a better way. AOL 9.5 simplifies your online life by bringing together mail, IM and a browser into one convenient package.

Man, email these days, really gettin’ me down. I wish I was able to send and receive as many as I wanted and could add colors and fun animated gifs to them… I mean who doesn’t love animated gifs?!

Easy-to-Use Email

AOL email makes it easy to stay in touch with friends, family and business associates. You get unlimited storage, and it’s a snap to add personality to emails with customized fonts, colors, stationery and signatures. As always, AOL’s powerful spam controls help steer junk email out of your inbox.

Tabbed browser FTW! Just in time! And search enhanced by Google!? WOWSER, where else could I find that?

A Better Browser

With AOL 9.5, tabs on the browser let you keep several sites open without cluttering your screen. Your favorite Web sites and AOL® Search enhanced by Google™ are a click away, and you are automatically protected from known phishing sites when you browse the Web using the AOL software.

I’d really like to have to sign into a program and be able to instant message instead of just having it pop up every single time I turn on my computer.

Built-In Instant Messaging

AOL 9.5 helps you stay connected to the people you care about. AIM® is built-in — so you can see which of your buddies are online and instantly chat, share pictures and more. If you prefer not to be interrupted by IMs, make yourself invisible so others won’t know you’re online.

Moviefone?! Mapquest?! Fleaflicker?! The best of the web all rolled into one neat little package that only takes up half your memory to run. OH YEA!

The Best Content on the Web

Get the latest news, check your stocks, catch up on celebrity gossip, check movie times on Moviefone, get directions from MapQuest, play free fantasy sports on Fleaflicker, listen to exclusive music, watch the TV shows you missed last night, and so much more. Save favorite place links or add a customized icon to your toolbar for one-click access whenever you need it.

OH NOW it all makes sense… System requirements says it all.

System Requirements

* Windows XP, Windows Vista or Windows 7
* Internet Explorer 6.0 or higher
* 166 MHz Pentium-class processor or higher
* 128MB RAM, 460MB free disk space
* 28.8 Kbps or faster modem, or other Internet connection
* Windows 2000, ME or 98SE users please click here

If I remember correctly, all of these amazing new features were available about 8 years ago when I stopped using their software. So AOL and your “You’ve Got Mail”, I hafta ask, WTF???